By Nate Adcock on Wed, 12/30/2009
I have been searching for that one game--probably all of my earthly existence--if you know what I mean (if you don't, then nevermind). The one that makes it all truly worthwhile-the meaning of life/death and all that. The slogging through endless tunnels, killing mindless enemies. That one game that brings everything you've experienced up to that point sharply into focus. A gaming epiphany... Friends, I have found that game, and it is Battle Bears. I wish I had the time tonight to describe the sheer joy of this magnum opus of quirky FPS from SkyVu Pictures. The grim and senselessly violent mowing down of row after row of pink, cuddly teddy bears, and the occasional insane attack of an oversized steroid-addled version. And all because they simply want to hug. Is that so wrong? It is, I say (shiver)... It is indeed sooo wrong.
I simply don't have time do a full and proper review tonight, but I will very soon, I promise--and yes--we will do a giveaway of this beautiful game if it is the last thing we ever give away again, because if you have not yet experienced Battle Bears, you cannot know the stark and mind-stopping terror of a giant Unicorn blasting out smaller flying unicorns at you.Never know the gut-wrenching, and sickening tremors of being harmonized to death by a "Bearbershop Quartet" in a desperate attempt to destroy you with their twisted, malignant musical love. No you cannot, and without this, you will never unlock the deeper meanings of anything else in your life; never really answer the "hard questions", I assure you. I have added some more screens below, but believe me when I say this: If you do not love this game, and laugh out loud uproariously so at each break between major levels. If you simply sit there and stare blandly at the screen with a queer half smile on your face, then you sir or maam, are probably one of "them". Yeah, you are likely a harmonizer bear, and you must be STOPPED!!!
You can get Battle Bears in the App Store here for a few days yet (Xmas Sale) for a mere $0.99, so what are you waiting for bear soldier! Go get ya some, and remember this...hugs are your enemy!!